Relationship problems..Advice needed, I have been with the same man for 8 years?

So my question is, He works during the day and I am a server and work at night because we have a toddler and I dont want to put her in day care and the cost would be more than I make, So I am a server at night, I work 5 nights a week to help out with the bills, I would'nt have it any other way.


My husband works during the day around 35 hours (should work around 40 but that is another story)





I am NOT wanting to stay home at all but I told him, That I feel that is the Man's job to take care of his family(with some help from me) I pay the cable, phone and my car insurance. He pays the rent and elecrtic and barley manages that, He makes almost $20 an hour..WHo knows where that $$ goes.


We just got into an arguement because I feel like it is the Man's job to take care of his family..I help out, He told me that is is the 21st century and it is not the Man's job any more to provide for his family.





Men with wife's and kid's do you provide for your family?Relationship problems..Advice needed, I have been with the same man for 8 years?
Unfortunately, many husbands feel now that it is either ALL the women's job or atleast part of her job to financially support the family. It really stems from the feminist movement...I know. I know....I may get many thumbs down for saying that. But, women have now taken away a man's roles by wanted to be equal with them. The truth is that men and women do have different roles in the family and it should be that way, but because of our society and the corruption of family values, the roles of the man aren't respected any more. I am totally not saying that you are in the wrong for working!!


I know your frustration. My husband works only around 20 hours a week and I have to work too. I even make more than him. We don't have children yet, but every time I try to talk to him about what we will do when we do have kids or how I would like to stay home when they are babies he tells me that it is a fantasy and that I need to stop thinking that I can live in the old days and that it isn't possible now.


He doesn't seem to get that it would be possible if he would take on the roles that he is supposed to be taking on. Plus, men still think that it is the women's responsibility to clean and cook for them, on top of working, which I don't agree with. If a man is asking a women to fufill the jobs that he is supposed to be filling then he needs to help fufill the jobs that she is ';supposed'; to do.


I would say just keep trying to talk to him. Let him know how you feel and if things start to turn into an argument then back off for a while until you feel it is safe again. Or maybe just have one good talk with him and ask him to hear you out and then leave it at that. Let him think about what you have to say and see what he does from there. It is frustrating and feels so unfair, but you have your child to worry about too. If you feel like you can't do it any more maybe you should consider going without the extras like cable and stuff. Maybe he will realize because he doesn't have cable anymore that he should work more so he can get it back.


One thing is that I feel if two people are married, then they should not be focusing on who pays what and who's money is who's. We have a joint account and pay all bills from that account. It is hard and we hardly ever have anything extra, but it is what we need to do.





I disagree with the person above. Men and women are not equal. That is just how it is. It doesn't mean women should be looked down on. They are just different and have different roles...in everything from family to careers!!!Relationship problems..Advice needed, I have been with the same man for 8 years?
Either you are the man's equal or you are not. The thing is, many women, such as yourself, want your cake and eat it too. If you want him to support you, then you must be willing to admit that he is in charge of the household 100%. I do not believe in this. I think that he's right, this is the 21st century and women can and do make as much as men. Women and men are equals, neither should be looked at otherwide, in pay or in society.





The choice is yours.