The problem isn't so much that she drinks although that is bad enough, it is that she gets absolutely vile when she drinks, sending really nasty emails and texts to us, her family, which are completely unprovoked and unfair. She recently came to stay with me for 5 days, against my better judgement I might add, but I thought well it's only 5 days surely she can manage that without any disasters. Anyway, days 1-4 went really well %26amp; I actually thought I've misjudged her and I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Little did I know that on the 5th day, she'd drink too much, physically attack my 73 year old father over nothing really, knocking both him and herself off their chairs onto the floor, sit there muttering, (you know like crazy people on the tv do?), which I found absolutely so horrendous that I moved my 2 year old from her nursery into my room because I wanted her where I could see her as my sister was behaving like a mad person and I just felt I needed to make sure my daughter was safe.
Next day my sister acted like nothing had happened. She has since kept texting me saying she is sorry she lost the plot etc %26amp; that she doesn't mean it and I know she loves me really. I have replied saying that she needs to get some professional help because she cannot keep on doing this and that it was such a shame she spoilt it because until that last day the week had been really nice.
The other problem is that whatever you do or say is wrong, one day she had nothing to drink at all, and I told her I was very proud of her going for a day without any but instead of taking this in the manner it was intended she said I was being patronising.
Since going home she has also rang me having a go at me, again when she was drunk, saying I was really awful for taking my 2 year old in my room and what kind of person did I think she was that would hurt a 2 year old? I just said well I wouldn't have thought you'd physically attack a 73 year old but you did, you just really need to get some help sis to try and improve your life.
Then today, for no reason at all she has been texting me again, saying I should go to anger management classes because (apparently!) I talk to my father like sh*t, which a) I don't and b) considering she was the one punching him I think is a bit rich.
I just really don't know what to do that could possibly help and am really at my wits end, it'd just be so much easier if I just cut her completely out of my life because whatever any of us try to do or say just ends up being the wrong thing. I also don't see why we should continue to take a barrage of unprovoked verbal attacks every couple of months or so, which is very very upsetting, she seems to think as long as she apologies a few days later that it makes it all ok.
I don't really want anything to do with her but i'd put my dad in a very difficult position so I just really would like to know if anyone has any experience of anything like this and if so any suggestions as to how I might be able to handle it better?
Advice from reformed alcoholics would be most welcome!
Another point is that I'm not even sure it is totally alcohol related, although that quite clearly doesn't help. She just seems to have this anger all bottled up inside her and she doesn't remember things properly at all from when we were growing up, I think she may have some kind of mental problem as well. She seems to always put herself in the position of the person that anything bad has happened to, almost in a way to make people feel sorry for her I think, like one example albeit a very minor example was that she was recently talking about when our dog died and she came home from work and had to ring dad to come home and it was pouring with rain and they were desperately trying to bury the dog before I got home from school so I wouldn't be upset, this was when I was about 11. What actually happened was that it was me that came home from school and found the dog dead and rang dad and were trying to bury him before she got home from work so it was less upsetting for everyone else.
She also goes on about stuff that I supposedly did to her that was awful when I was young, which actually was always her that did it to me. I can't think of any example in particular but she always remembers everything wrong and it is always without fail, her putting herself in the position of the person that has been wronged if you see what I mean?
All sensible advice welcome please.
Thank you for reading this!Does anyone have any advice about alcoholics %26amp; mental problems %26amp; what you can do to help?
One, this is classic alcoholism. Go to any Al-Anon group to learn about all the behavior issues that come from any alcoholic. It can help you learn the tools to putting yourself at a distance. They can talk to you about an intervention. All family members need to stop supporting this person so that they can finally fall full force and start to get help. It's called enabling.
Of course there are good days and bad. You stated ';Against your better judgement';, why did you go against yourself? I know you protected your daughter, but what did you do to help protect your elderly father. I hope you jumped in and told her to get out?? A 73 year old man cannot defend himself. Yet in that inablity to defend himself as he could in his younger years, guilt comes into play. They want it to be ok because they dont' want anyone to see them as inable to defend themselves. Men especially have a hard time with this. But as you know you have to protect your 2 year old, you must also protect your father. Even if it's from himself. Play it off any way you'd like to help him salvage his pride. But defend him!
Normally shouting you'll call the police and have her arrested if she doesn't stop and leave this moment will normally scare her. Don't bring this woman into your home to stay again. Protection of those who cannot fend for themselves is your most important goal right now.
When you get a text, don't read it. Delete it. I don't care if it looks like it will be a nice and loving one saying she's sorry. Delete it. It's more emotional and mental strain. When you get a message on the machine, simply hearing it's from her, delete it. No more. You cannot do this with her anymore.
Does anyone have any advice about alcoholics %26amp; mental problems %26amp; what you can do to help?
Wow, that is a really bad problem, you have my full sympathy. My ex (and the mother of my children) was, and still is, alcoholic. Does your sister admit she has a drink problem? If she does then she needs your help to get her to Alcoholics Anonymous. If she doesn't then there really is not much you can do. I left my ex, and took my children with me for their own safety, and now she is out of our lives completely. I'm not saying that is the right way for you, only you can decide that, but it gave us the chance to live our lives the way we want to. I wish you well in dealing with this, and please email me if you wish to talk about it.
You and your family need to cut her off. Suggest to her that she gets help (Inpatient rehab) Tell her that you and the family have had enough of her verbal abuse and that it is tearing the family apart. Also tell her that her actions for the 5 days proved to you and the family that she is unsafe to be around . If she doesn't want or do the inpatient rehab ..then change your phone numbers and completely cut contact with her. Your family all has to do this and stick by it. (it will be tough) When she Texts you document it in a book the time and the date and what she wrote. Have everyone in your family do this. It's called ';Tough Love';. She needs help her behavior will NOT change. YOU can NOT change your sister! You must come to that realization. As sad as it is. It is a fact! I know how much it hurts to see her that way. Not knowing who she will be for that minute. Never knowing if she will smile at you or lash out and maybe hit you. She is in a dangerous situation. She needs help. Only she can help herself. You could try getting an Interventionist (that is someone from tthe rehab that you choose to come into the home and talk with her about her problem and try to convience her to get help.)
You and your family may want to all seperatly write a letter to her expressing how they feel about her. start it off with positives.. But then talk about how she acts when drunk and how it makes you feel. And at the end express to her how you want your sister back and how much you love her and how musch you will try to do anything in your power to help her change. But the first step has to be hers. She has to commit!
I wish you and your entire family the best. Living with a memeber of the family that is an alcoholic can be mind draining. I would also seek help for your entire family to get some piece of mind on this issue
Best thing is to convince her to attend a deaddiction clinic which is the only thing that can help her now.From the picture it seems that she is an alcoholic and has behavioral problems when drunk.She has to refrain from alcohol without causing withdrawal symptoms.so hospitalization and treatment would be ideal for her.But she has to do it willingly or she can come back to square one any time.
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