Mother in law problems! advice please!?

So, he's moving to be with me and he is 28 and has been taking care of his mother for years and years and years. The job that he is planning on taking will be about an 10,000 dollar a year cut for him. It won't allow him to spend as freely and GIVE as freely as he has, but he will survive and he and I will be happy together(finally after waiting almost 2 years!!). His outlook was a little negative on it, but I tried to pep him up and tell him to look at the positives and that he won't have to stay at this job, he can just take it and then leave later on if he wants, just something to get him going..plus the company would pay for him to finish his Bachelor's and with that degree he'll be able to do so much more anyway, so I'm telling him to do it...use them up for a year or 2..with his leadership skills he is guaranteed a promotion in no time. My parents tried to cheer him up and tell him the positives as well. HIS MOTHERMother in law problems! advice please!?
i dont know the women and i already dont like her...you need t o tell ur man how you feel, and point all this out if hes just going to continue doing everything she wants him to then theres problem and you may want to re consider your relationshipMother in law problems! advice please!?
oh my this is a train wreak. this is his mother like it or not your going to have to deal with her i don't know how after reading this but if your going to be happy as you say,this has to be handled.did you stop to think that your man might be sad about having to leave his mom i know shes sucking him dry you think but after all shes been his mom longer then you have been in his life and as hard as it might be for you to understand he might not want to take a pay cut move away and start all over and be away from his mother you might be happier with her out of the picture but he might not be,please i beg you both for every-ones sake moms included think about this awhile if time allows so much change at one time is hard to deal with and he might very well in the long run be unhappy with the decision he makes if its to please you and not himself......good luck your going to need it!!!
Some MIL's are just horrible to deal with and at that age they won't change. Just tell your man to not send her any money and try and keep him so busy doing things with you that he won't care to call her so much. Don't stress so much over her asking what he makes though. Even in families where the parents aren't hitting their kids up for money that's a pretty normal question to ask. My parents are loaded and still ask all of us kids what we'll be making (though they may be wanting to see if we'll be hitting them up for money!)


Hang in there! I know from personal experience with my MIL from hell that things can be rough. Just don't let her mess up your relationship. Good luck! ;-)
You sound a bit hypocritical i.e. you think it's unfair that your mother-in-law wants her son close %26amp; you don't want to move, but you want to be close to your family so you are asking your bf to move away from his. You sound bitter %26amp; twisted. Every family is different, that is obviously considered normal questions in his family. The way I see it, both you %26amp; your mother-in-law are putting pressure on this boy %26amp; he is the ';victim';, not you. You are not getting what you want without a fight, so you are pissed off. Whatever his reasons (or your mother-in-law's), she is his mother %26amp; he her son. Don't come between that or you will just make him more miserable. Think about the situation you are putting him in, not just yourself.
FYI- Her, I mean your boyfriend will never cut the strings..If it took 2 years to get him this far just imagine what the rest of your life will be like. Believe me I speak from experience. My husband of 10 years is very ';devoted'; to him mother. To the point where he takes her to dinner at least 3 times a week plus other activities instead of being home with me and our 3 children. And now she is slipping and calling him her husband. Move on now!
Erica


With all due respect, my mother could ask how much money I make and that would not upset me or my husband at all


If my sister gets a new job, I would probably ask how much money she will make, as well as other questions because I love her and we are very close


I want to cheer with her if she is succeeding in her profession


The same way my mother would ask me how much I make so she could probably help me if I need a bit of a hand financially speaking


In other words I see nothing wrong with people asking personal questions if they are intimate and close as a family should be


However, if your mother in law just wants to know how much she can take because from what you say she is lazy and likes to exploit her son, then it's another story


If you are asking for advice, I would forgive her and not keep any grudge, thia way you will maintain a healthy reashionship with her


At the same time, be open about money with your loved one and in a frienly way, try to stipulate a bit of a budget or boundaries, come to an agreement as to how much and even IF his mother should keep receiving financial aid from him


One day you may want to have children of you own and it will be great if they can count of a grandmother, and it will also be great if you and him can prepare a bit of a comfortable future for them :)
She's not your mother in law yet. If you have SUCH problems now.... Of course, if you're as hateful to his face about his mother as you are here, she won't ever be your mother in law.
魏ill his mom
the key is getting him to say no to her. put it to him this way....when we have children, do you want to depend on them to support us? to ask them to stay in one place and at one job to make sure they are close enough to get the cash from them? if you move up there to be with him and you marry him and you guys stay around her, SHE IS GOING TO RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE. there is no way around it. he is a big boy and shes a big girl, GET A JOB. and what's with the 19 year old who doesnt work? wtf? has she ever lived in the real world where people raise their kids and then let them go out and live their own lives knowing they armed them the best they could for life? honey, i'm sure you love him if you are considering moving close to her to be with him, but mark my words, if you do, get ready for the real fight. she sees you as a problem. if you marry her son, he will have his own family unit, and where will that leave her? you are a threat to her. i am really sorry for you. but i feel even more sorry for her. i wish you the best and i wish her to get a job. before she ruins the 19 year olds chances of learning how to take care of herself.
hi i'm bill,you've got the first stage of your problem out of the way by writting it down and getting it of your chest ,you know aproblem shared..the next step would have to be,really talk it over with your boyfriend,tell him who you feel about the way you feel about the way his mother is treating him,likeyou know as a meal ticket,even bring in the fact about his brother and sister inlaw,and ask why they don't speak or even see her anymore.good luck and i hope it works out for you...
All I can say from experience is get over it! Atleast his mom is not telling him to leave you (as my inlaws do) You must realize that however your MIL treats your husband is exactly how he has let her. This has always been their relationship even before he met you and that is his choice to let that happen. Dont interfere. If its something you feel you cant deal with then don't stay with him. But if you choose to be with him, then you must accept it. It won't change until he sees it for himself. I wish someone would have given me this advice...My inlaw situation is out of control and its all because I could not accept that my MIL only treated my husband the way he has let her treat him. Accept it or move on. Trust me it can and will get much worse if you don't stay out of it.
Whoa, take a breath and slow down just a bit. Your anger is coming through loud and clear, and though you may have every right to feel the way you do, remember one thing. She is his mother and her actions may be selfish and overbearing, the bottom line is M.O.T.H.E.R.. My advice to you would be stop letting her actions control you and your emotions. It will get you nowhere. You will just stay angry and all tied up inside, instead of being there for your boyfriend, with emotion support. It sounds to me as if she's not only draining you emotionally, she's draining her son as well. So, she's nosy and asks questions that you view she shouldnt. Let it go. Cause all the foot stomping you do will NOT change her actions or attitude.





Instead concentrate on you and your bf. Once he gets relocated and settled in concentrate on your future with him, and be yourself. Not the person your future mom in law turns you into. Try and stop reacting to her actions and make your own plans with your bf. Support his efforts and be there for him, and in time he will see what life without Mom being around constantly can be like. But I will tell you this much, breaking those strongholds can be very hard. Family is family and we've all got some we didnt choose but have to deal with. And distancing from a domineering overbearing mother can be very difficult to say the least. It takes time and patience.





So, just show him you are there for him, and practice some patience. Remember that he probably feels the same way you do on those issues, but she's his mother and I'm sure he respects that to some degree or she wouldnt have the hold and pull she has on him. In time you and him will build your own life and family, dont let it be ruled by some one who provokes you to anger or whatever. Just let that go and build your own stuff.