Marriage relationship problems, advice please...?

This may not be the best place for advice, but I'm interested in women's point of view mostly. I have been to marriage counseling, and I'm working on my sex addiction problem.





My wife looses faith in my recovery and no longer wants intimacy with me. I have made progress in my recovery, I no longer masturbate, but I still strive with my desires, and recently saw porn which I confessed to her.





My wife expects perfection from me in this area, she doesn't like it when I feel attracted to other women, but I do not know how to avoid feeling attraction to other women. I have never cheated my wife in real life, only in my fantasies... I love my wife, but she holds back her love when she gets upset with me, and tends to hold an eternal grudge.





I try to repent, but that is not enough for her and she would rather have a divorce than give me time to progress.





We have been married for 5 years and have a single child together. I like and love my wife, I'd like to hear your advice.Marriage relationship problems, advice please...?
I live on the same side of this as your wife. I can tell you that to me, in my heart, whether he's cheating in fantasies, on the phone, or email or whatever, it still feels the same as if I sat and saw him do it for real in person. I hold back too when I'm upset, because in my mind, I visualize him sitting there doing it again, the stupid porn thing for four hours every day, when he does not give me anywhere NEAR the time or focus he puts into that. It's hard to want to be intimate with someone when you know there is NO way you can measure up to what they look at every day or fantasize about. It hurts period. She probably would rather divorce (which is the point I find myself at) because she's simply EXHAUSTED with waiting for progress that NEVER comes, and wonders if she can ever trust you anyway. And think about it. With the pain it causes HER, why should she wait indefinitely on you? It's NOT all about you! It's about her too. I'm not trying to ';dis'; you here. We all have our hangups and mess up. I'm just speaking from the standpoint of a woman who's endured this kind of pain, and knows how it feels. Would you feel good if you knew she had to fantasize about other men all the time?





There just finally comes a time, when a woman builds up her self-confidence, and self-love and realizes that she DOES deserve better than this, and if you can't give it, then what other option does she have? Good luck to you overcoming this problem. At least you're trying. More than I can say in my own circumstance.Marriage relationship problems, advice please...?
first of all masterbation is not an addiction unless you are out of control, my guy does it next to me and i know he thinks about other girls, that is normal too. all men, unless gay, are attracted to other woman, my god ..she want to casterate you too? i think she needs a lesson in men. porno can be an addiction also if used all of the time. she is making your desires stronger by cutting you off completely. if she needs to talk to me give her my email address. i am very open minded and may help her to understand. years of experience!
There is not such thing as perfection... I think however that your wife is and has been very hurt by things you have done in the past and she will need time to heal and forgive you and to start to get past the pain of this herself before she can become whole herself again because what you have done has made her feel that you do not love her and that she is not good enough for you as your wife... I went through this with my first husband and marriage so i can understand where she is coming from and how she feels and why. Is your wife open to trying to go to marriage counseling at all with you???? Or did you go yourself to marriage counseling without her... You are not the only one who needs help and counseling here she does too. Just to let you know that fantasizing about other women is the same thing as doing it with them in person ... There is a scripture in Matthew that says If you look at a woman to lust after here you have already commited adultery in your heart. In God's eyes it is the same thing. If you and your wife go to counseling together and for yourselves and the both of you do all you can to try and save and restore your marriage and relationship and there is ABSOLUTLEY no hope then i feel you should let her go but not until then and only then...


I also want you to think of it this way... How would you feel if she was attracted to other men and lusted and fanatsized about them and you knew about you???? Could you handle this if she had a problem like this and with pornography like you do??? All I am saying is to put yourself in her shoes.... I never felt that my first husband loved me and that he even cared about me and it made me have no self esteem at all and i never felt pretty or attractive to him... This really hurt our marriage and needless to say i reacted the wrong way and we did not go to counseling and help for our marriage... He was also mentally and verbally abusive to me... Our marriage ended in disaster and i dont wish this on anyone else or their marriage. Have you called a local church or pastor and talked with them about this and see if they could possibly give you some advice or help and if they would be able to talk to the both of you together.... I sure hope your child does not grow up in this disfunctional relationship and turn out with alot of problems because of it. May i also suggest some websites for you and your wife to visit together and email these people and ask them for help and advice. If you and your wife would like to talk to my husband and I we are here.... Another thing that really hurt me and my marriage at that time is that he would masturbate to other womens pictures in front of me. Have you done this to and front of her at all?





http://www.marriagetoday.org


http://www.drphil.com
It sounds like you're really giving her your best. And I gotta tell ya pal, I'm not addicted and a woman but I can't even swear off masturbation forever. I don't even know that it's healthy. I also have fantasies and have never considered the thoughts in my head as cheating. As far as being attracted to people of the opposit sex, who isn't? It's whether you act on it or not that makes or breaks the man (or woman for that matter). You would know best if your attitudes and actions spell addiction and the porn thing certainly can mess up a guy, I know, but I fail to see where her attitude is coming from.





Whatever is going on with her, it's clear that she isn't going to be able to get past this on her own. Has she expressed a desire to make it work? Have the two of you sought help together?





I'm 46, widowed and I would be inclined to give you a better chance than it sounds like you've had with her. I also believe in love and in marriage and it sounds sad that she would end it when you are obviously trying very hard to overcome your problems, especially since there was no one else brought into your bed.





I wish I could tell you how to thaw her soul. For me, I think if I felt that way I would want to give it more time to see if my feelings returned, and with a child involved I think that's the way to go. But convincing her that you are doing your best may be hard if she isn't receptive. Are you doing all you can to make sure she has what information she needs to trust you? if what she wants is a play by play of your day and activities, are you willing to provide her with that? Have you opened up your entire life to her so that she can be reasonably sure you are following the practices that ensure successful resolution with regard to yur addiction? I only ask these things to help you decide whether you are doing all you can do to give her what she needs to trust you.





If you are doing all that you can and she isnt doing anything but talking of divorce, than there may be little you can do to change that. If it's her final answer then the work you need to do lies in letting go of her and looking to the future for you and your child.





Do remember that words are very important to women and that she needs to hear your feelings and thoughts. The best you can do now is to express yourself openly to her and see if she wouldn't give you more time.





I wish you good luck and will be hoping she gives you that time to prove yourself.
How would you like it if your wife fantasized about other men constantly. How would you feel if she was making love to you and thinking about another man. I do not understand men and their thinking. I wouldn't want to make love to a man who was fantasizing about another woman - what's the point????? It almost sounds like you are flaunting this to her and that is probably what is making her mad. Do you really want the marriage or is something inside doing this to get her upset so you can go out and fulfill all of your fantasies. What about your child? Is sex more important than that?