I Have Some Problems, Advice?

Ok, I am 32 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and I love him...and I hate him at the same time.





When I got pregnant we both had good jobs. He was making over $100,000/year (though quite a bit went to child support for his other two kids...who I cannot stand but that's beside the point) and I was making around $40,000/year. We had a nice house we rented in the Seattle area and were doing good.





Well, he lost his job due to layoffs and decided to go back to school, 200 miles away. My family lives where his school is and I moved too, figuring itd be nice to have my family around for when the baby comes. But this meant having to find a new job for me too.





He is a student on the GI bill, so they pay for school. I have found a nanny job that pays me a whopping $700/month for watching their 2 month old baby 40 hours a week- with no break during the day. My car payment is $200/month, insurance is $175, phone is $80. And no, I can't sell my car because I owe more than its currently valued at (thanks to our lovely economy).





We are struggling financially. We now have a small two bedroom duplex, and life basically sucks. I don't enjoy being pregnant- I just want the kid out of me so I can focus on getting a better job and moving back up with my life. It feels like I'm treading water- not getting anywhere.





My boyfriend is in school full-time, and gets unemployment until end of the month when it runs out- then who knows what we will do because I cannot afford to pay rent or utilities. He has to pay his ex-wife $490/month in child support so who knows how that will get paid when unemployment runs out either. He has been paying our rent and utilities with unemployment, but unemployment is running out. With the economy beings as it is there aren't a lot of jobs out there, but he doesn't want to work while going to school anyway.





So, in the beginning I really did want this baby, and I think I still do, but I just am feeling tired of being responsible for everything. I mean, yes he pays the rent/utilities, but I work my butt off everyday at work with a screaming infant that's not even my own, I single handedly have purchased everything our baby will need (he has not bought or contributed one thing for the baby). He also complains when I ask him to clean up after himself, and his kids when they visit, or ask him to help me carry baby stuff to the babies room, or paint the babies dresser. I mean, he doesn't work, would it kill him to help out? And I figure the least he can do is help with the moving around of the baby stuff and painting the dresser since he didn't have to purchase it- I did. I bought everything, on my measley salary I prepared for this kid. Mostly second hand stuff, but its good enough and still was expensive since I did it alone.





I feel like I'm stuck. I'm tired after work, I hate the baby I work with. She's cute, but she wants to be held all the time and her parents make me do other chores during the day too so its tough to get stuff done and I often end up working late (without extra pay, without any break) just to get their house in order. And then I get to go home and clean up after my boyfriend and the messes he has made during the day. Its like I'm working all the time.





Deep down I love our baby, but with all the added stress I've decided to look into putting him in daycare during the day while I am with the girl I nanny for because the stress of two infants plus everything else scares me. They would allow me to bring the baby, but I just don't want the extra work, and dshs will pay for childcare I think. I'm also pretty decided on not breastfeeding, which is causing some issues between my boyfriend and I. He's calling me selfish and controlling and all, but I mean really, I have enough to worry about without a kid on my boob all day too.





I'm just not sure what to do. This isn't what I signed on for, when I got pregnant he made enough money and things were fine and we lived in an area where there were more jobs and they paid a heck of a lot better. And now nothing is fine.





Advice?I Have Some Problems, Advice?
Gosh, I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I'm sort of in the same boat. I have 2 kids though. Both young. 2yr %26amp; 1 yr. Got laid off of work. Had a great job. Fiance got laid off. Now is going to school full time. So I know the stress. Now, try not to freak too much. I know its a lot but all this stressing out isnt helping your baby too much.





So, as far as your bf not helping around the house. I'm sorry that's just BS. I make my fiance clean his crap up cause I have 2 children I have to tend to 24/7. I make him take care of the kids if he doesnt want to clean. An even exchange. Kids are stressful. And being pregnant with your first isnt any much easier. What I would do is really sit down with your boyfriend. Talk to him. Tell him your concerns and whats bothering you. Open communication, although hard, is the best thing. And I know...easier said than done. But, that's going to be the only way you are going to fix things. Tell him...i mean you should be resting when not working. It's really important. Believe me, i know first hand. Both my children were born prematurely. My daughter 8weeks early and my son 6 weeks. Its harder than you can possibly believe. So, taking care of yourself now can really benefit you. So, I'd be open and up front with him and tell him he needs to pull his weight. Especially with his 2 children from another woman. It's not completely your responsibility to be cleaning up after these children and this grown man....if they are capable. You are the one who should be relaxing.





Another reason why you're probably feeling this way about your baby is because your coming to the end of your pregnancy. You have 8 weeks left. That's a big thing. Its nerve wracking. You are going to be responsible for someone other than yourself. But you will see it will come natural. Once you have that child in your arms, you will know what I mean. As far as breast feeding....don't worry. I didn't breast feed either. I just couldn't. There's nothing wrong with it. Who cares what other people think about that. It's your body. It's your child. You know whats best for your child. I'm sorry, but not even your boyfriend can tell you what to do with your body and your child. Cause in the end, you will know whats best.





My advice in the end of all my jibber jabber....


Talk to your boyfriend. Let him know he NEEDS to pull his weight around the house. Cause when this baby comes, you are going to be out of commission and he's going to need to buck up.





And your worries for your child/daycare...


Don't stress. Only you know what will work best for you and your child. If you feel you wouldn't be able to tend to your child properly while @ work, do what you need to do. There's nothing wrong with it. Do what you feel is right.





I hope I helped a little